We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
