I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can I color on your dick again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
