Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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