My friends, they love my intelligence
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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