So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
