if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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