I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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