My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
