It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
