how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
