what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
