I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
