Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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