My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
