You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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