Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry about my life...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
