The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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