What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
