No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
