She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
