remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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