are you so shy because you have an std?
We named our party play list daddy issues
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
