Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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