Please, let me fuck your mom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
