I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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