Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
