do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
