Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
