be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
