You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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