How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When are your genitals available?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
