Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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