if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
