One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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