it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's never too late to be topless.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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