sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize