fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't turn off my feet"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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