I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
