I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize