did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
