woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
