you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
