he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
