We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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