I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize