If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize