Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
