summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
