Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
