jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
