BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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