Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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