I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
4 words: hood of his car
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
