I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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