who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
