In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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