you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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