That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
