Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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