Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Terrible idea I love it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
