Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
