trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
