I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
