I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
