Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it glows. i had to have it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
