If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
