he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
