I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
