i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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